You try and try so hard to be the perfect child. Wether it's being the perfect weight, a great athlete, or getting the best grades it never seems to be enough. None of it works, trust me, I tried. I find myself too fat so I stopped eating, didn't work. I did every sport and tried to be the best and boom knee problems. I fought through the nonstop pain for a few months before finally telling my parents only to be told that it's just growing pains and that I'm overreacting. After months of pain finally going to a doctor to "shut me up" just to be told try PT, try an ortho surgeon, try PT, and so on in a never ending cycle of doctors, surgeon who wouldn't operate, and lots of physical therapists. I'm given up on. He tried, I'm not good enough. With few things left I was told no more sports, come back in a few years, and I'm not sure what's wrongs. How could I just give up sports, they were my only reliable thing, the only thing that made me happy. Stopping the things that hurt most hurt me the most. Still not giving up everything and fighting the pain for a final attempt of joy. At the beginning of this year trying to give up more and more to relieve the pain on my knees. I focused on my grades getting 4.00's so far only to be know as the fat lazy freshman who doesn't play sports. I couldn't take it and fought through cheerleading because i convinced myself basketball was too bad for me. Pretending to be happy and love my life in front of hundreds of people who actually did. Being judged for being a fat cheerleader. Or even being a cheerleader. Lettering my freshman year when most people don't letter till junior or senior year. Not doing sports that might fall on weekends because of the interference with the custody agreement. Not wanting to be with my dad, better put as not wanting to be here, alive. I went from having an almost perfect life to not wanting to be alive in less than two years. Being talked about, laughed at, called names just isn't something I can take, especially not at home. You are supposed to come home to take all the pain, not for me. I come home to a disappointed father who expects more form me. Anything would be better than having a retard of a daughter like me. I'm stupid and I need to get back out there and stop faking. I could try to not to be such an embarrassment. As long as I am going to be a failure I could at least give something to the family in return. Endless chores. Constant yelling. I could handle the yelling and I could hide the pain of the names but I couldn't hide the bruises my brother left on my arms. What do you tell people when they ask how you got a bruise here or there? Scared to roll up your sleeves because then your happy act is up, everyone will know your hidden life. The worst part about hiding all of it is being told that you should be happy with your life because your family has money, you get to do what you like, the list goes on and on. Hiding your marks that turn to scars because you don't want to seem like you are doing it for attention. Pretending to have two lives, lying about what you did last night because you have secrets to keep, making your family look good. When you finally tell someone and have a chance of change you are told that your life isn't bad and that you should be greatful for the things you have. Do you keep up the act? Do you give up and give in to the chance of it all ending? How do you know what's best?